Last Friday I had the pleasure of hanging out at the Toyota dealership for 3 hours. What started as a $220 routine maintenance turned in to a $1200 headache. The car has to last another 100K miles so...... there ya go. I brought plenty for the kids to do. DVD and my laptop, two small toys each, coupla books, snacks, and drinks. I saved the DVD for very last. We toured the showroom and picked out our favorites. M picked red, C picked blue. Big surprise. We stood in the service galley and watched through the glass as a dozen or so cars go up and down, tires go off and on, grease monkeys go under and out. All in all, the boys were entertained for at least two hours. I finally put the DVD in for them and tried to read a book but I couldn't get into it. Instead I stared down at the service galley and watched some more. My mind started to wander.
Oh, my favorite place! My recently idle mind took me into the world of Human Maintenance. I thought about how inefficient we all are when it comes to our own maintenance. We skip the dentist, the eye doctor, etcetera, because of the inconvenience of it all. Constantly missing work, sitting in offices, and filling out paper work. As a result, health problems go unchecked or undiagnosed until a major catastrophe is upon us, much like our cars. Human Maintenance is so inefficient! A type-A person as myself longs for the day when we can have one-stop health maintenance. My guess is that Aurora and Wal-mart will pair up for this endeavor- LOL.
My vivd imagination came up with this solution.........
2 day Mandatory Human Maintenance Regime . Mandatory as in paid time off and must be completed annually to keep your job. For those not working, still mandatory in order to obtain welfare checks, food stamps, disability, or social security earnings. Registration is done online or by phone. Upon arrival to the clinic, you will be given a spa robe and slippers (in which you keep as a reward), a schedule, and a clipboard. The exams go head to toe. There is a team and doctor for every type of exam. Eyes, dental, routine physical, mammogram (f needed), and pelvic (if needed). Each doctor will prescribe and send a list of lab tests they desire with you on the clipboard and sign off their exam. You keep moving throughout the clinic. At the end of the first day, all your exams will be done, blood drawn, and you will start your prep for any tests that remain in the AM, like a colonoscopy.
The first evening you just chill and relax in your fancy hotel-like room. In the AM you have a 5-star buffet breakfast and head to discuss your blood tests with the doctor. At this time you will discuss any referrals or follow up that needs to be made. You then meet with a dietician and psychologist to tie up any loose ends with diet or mental health issues.
You spend the rest of the day getting a facial, mani, pedi, and waxing. You end your maintenance with a well-deserved, hour long, deep tissue massage.
You emerge from your 2 day Human Maintenance Regime bright and shiny, ready to take on the world just like my car. And with a plush new bathrobe.
forgot to add that a drug test is also required as part of your labs! LOL
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